MY NAIROBIAN LIFE

For security reasons let's call her Mary,"Mary and I had never met, we were like two humming birds who had also never met. To get things straight I came to know Mary on social media(I will always thank God for taking his time to create Zuckerberg's brain, this guy has a mind like a steel trap)
I had never met her so on this particular day, my annoying phone message tone rang and I rushly opened it, to my surprise it was Mary. I had left her several messages with my digits on facebook only to get snobbed, I think this girl had a degree in snobbing that made me feel that I was making it to the Guinness book of record.
Mary's message read, "Hi **bby, sorry for not replying you earlier but am here now, how about we meet tomorrow for a date? (Now this is where my adrenaline causes an increase in my heartbeat making me freak out like a stupid fish,ama namna gani my friend)Before I replied I took Quick scan at my wallet, it was only having two five hundred notes and a hundred bob note(1100)and then replied her with a "yah"(ladies if your guy, bae, boo or whatever you call them replies you with this kind of a "yah" without any words accompanying it,it can only mean two things,either he is damn broke or suffering a seasoned dry spell).
So after replying the message I retired to bed after taking those maasai's "ndawas"which tastes like angel Gabriel's shit, the ones that I don't know washes your blood, seriously how can blood be washed? I've always thought to myself that the "ndawas" do have detergents that helps in washing your blood!! But I just had to take it.
The next day I woke up at around 5:00 am to do some work outs since my last girlfriend told me that I needed a well built body with muscles assembled with cubes(honestly you girls why do you put pressure on your baes/boos or whatever you call them that they must have a six pack, that they must be tall,that they must be dark..considering that at 60 we will all be withering at the sun with crometelius shapes).While doing situps and not just mere situps, I do about one hundred and one minus ninety one situps(I mean 10)after which I do sweat like Mike Tyson in a spelling contest. While doing sit-ups my annoying message tone rang and I ignored knowing that it was Bob collymore and company reminding me that I owed them some 0.01 dollars airtime(bamba 10),after finishing with my workouts, I took my phone and to my surprise, guess who texted me? (yaah you guessed right) it was Mary, I looked at the time ,it was 6:00am ("mama yowe" translation "my mother yowe"!)this girl was  craving for a date like a vegeterian vampire in need of blood. 
After all those hoofs and huffs, I had my bath and dressed up. I left home at around 7am to catch up with my favourite cheap matatu. My plan was simple,arrive early, choose a cheapsensive restaurant and wait for my date but unlike my brother inlaw phil this plan might just work. So I was there at chicken Inn,called her to meet me there and she agreed. (To guys who want to have a save of their money, a piece of advice to you, always be the first to choose a venue or you may end up at Kempinski Villa Rosa with only a thousand bob in your pocket and the rest is history)
At around 9am she arrived, her face was a perfect oval like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a thighmaster, her in reality was much better than the bunch of selfies that were bursting on her social media. We had a light chit chat before ordering for a meal, I acted a gentleman and let her order whatever she wanted to have(this was the worst mistake ever, I knew I was going to have an easier time facing Osama Bin Laden than this) she ordered something that was allergic to my ears, "I will have Carne Asada Fries"(to be honest I was almost vibrating in my sit, voice 1.....ran.. Tobby ran.. Voice 2. utachonga viazi Tobby ran..)I gave her a fake smile while glancing at the menu,the Carne Asada thing was 800 bob and I was only having a thousand bob remaining after spending the rest on transport,I guess I was as lame as a duck, not the metaphorical lame duck but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. I ordered for a glass of water and the rest was history.

"Its a new month, May was not that jack ass like April, to Paul Mcpaul atleast we won the FA making us have a voice kudos, to Tracy Bravo ,don't worry hehe, Natalie kojo and Jeff Michaels thank you guys for making my May great and not forgetting Gorretty Ndar and Mathius and all my loyal fans thank you guys for making us achieve over 1100 views for the last 1 month, and mostly I thank God.""